3 Month Update

It has been 3ish months since Sophia was born...and we are having a great time! Sorry that I have not been more diligent about updating the blog. Anyway, here are things as they stand today:

1) Sophia is happy, healthy, growing like a (very cute) weed, and enjoying being the delight of her parents. Betty is an incredible mom who is having the time of her life while at the same time being put to the test by odd sleep patterns, cabin fever, and all of the other stuff that comes with being a new mom. I am also having the time of my life! I find myself sighing with a goofy smile on my face a lot these days...

2) Pablo, Sonia, and Gabriel are doing very well too. Sonia has recovered well and relatively quickly and is back in full-blown Pablo and Sonia-esque activities including but not limited to deciding as a family with to take in a foster child into their home. They keep on giving, and I suspect that they always will.

3) I will be building a new blog for Sophia soon and will transition activity away from this blog, although this one will continue to exist. Part of the reason that I built the blog to begin with was to offer information to anyone who might have questions about the process of surrogacy, so I'll leave it up for anyone's use. This will be my last post on this blog. I will be sending info to friends and family about the new blog as soon as I have it, so keep an eye out for it.

In the meantime, here are some pics taken by our friend and gifted photographer, Jennifer Phatiphong. If you are thinking to yourself "hey, I would like such pics of my own family/wedding/etc.", you can see examples of her work here: http://esperanzajennphotography.blogspot.com/
And here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/esperanzajenn/
For pricing info: http://esperanzajennphotography.blogspot.com/2009/10/pricing-info.html

Just a few pics for now (all courtesy of Jennifer Phatiphong):

Thanks be to God for His unending grace, mercy, and love. We are forever humbled and grateful.

Gloria in te domine
Gloria, exultate
Gloria, Gloria

-Alvaro

halloween '09

Gabriel with his new cousin Sophia

The Day Is Here

I assume that many of you following our blog already know what I am about to say from Facebook, but for those who do not frequent Facebook...

After all of the years of trying and planning and praying and working on bringing our Surrogacy Adventure to its desired end (or beginning, depending on how you look at it), the day has come.

Sonia Elena Tovar has given birth to Sophia Elena Grace Tovar today, August 28 at 2:11AM at the Kaiser Permanente Baldwin Park Medical Center.

Here's how it wentdown. I may leave stuff out...Betty, Sonia, or Pablo can fill in the holes:
I got a call yesterday from Betty telling me that Sonia's contractions were sufficiently close together to justify us going to the hospital and getting Sonia admitted. I rushed out of a meeting at work, drove home, and then Pablo, Sonia, Betty and I all drove down together. We spent a good amount of time waiting, talking to doctors and nurses, waiting for Sophia to move into the correct position for actual labor to begin. And by good amount I mean from roughly 4PM on August 27 to 2AM on August 28. That is really long time to endure a tremendous amount of pain and discomfort (those of you who have experienced giving birth can attest to this and understand all of the details that come with it), which is exactly what Sonia did. To say that Sonia is tough and tolerant is a gross understatement, and on closer inspection, perhaps masks the true driving force behind her actions, not only in the last 2 days but throughout the last year...Sonias' motivation was unselfish love. There is no conceivable reason that a person would show such an extent of grace to another person with nothing comparable to offer in return if it is not driven by love. I mentioned this at one of the baby showers. I believe that Pablo and Sonia believe that God calls us to show practical acts of love to those who it is not owed, who do not or cannot offer the same in reciprocity, or in some cases who clearly do not deserve such treatment. Pablo and Sonia believe that we are called to follow the example of God himself. Betty and I hold the same belief. Betty, Sophia, and I are the recipients of grace. Grace that has been extended through Pablo, Sonia, and Gabriel, who in turn have also been shown Grace by God. In the Bible in John 15:13, Jesus says "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." I believe that Pablo, Sonia, and Gabriel have sacrificed and risked much to emulate this. I consciously include Gabriel (Pablo and Sonia's toddler-aged son) in this because even though it may seem like he would not sacrifice much, he has too. In fact today, I became acutely aware of an example of this. A while after Sonia had given birth, Gabriel turned to Sonia and said something to the effect of "now you can pick me up and carry me again, Mommy". I had forgotten that Gabriel had given up the basic comfort of being picked up and carried by his mom whenever he needed it (which is quite often, for little kids) so that she could be pregnant with Sophia. That may not strike you as deeply as it did me, but it is a simple yet humbling example of the pile of things that Pablo, Sonia, and Gabriel have laid down for the sake of showing grace.

Which brings me to a sub-topic. You have probably already put the pieces together in your head, but the reason that I picked Grace for Sophia's "secret" middle name is so that she will have a lifelong reminder both for her and for the rest of us that it is Pablo, Sonia, and Gabriel's act of grace that made her own existence possible, that ultimately God has shown all of humanity Grace, and that God calls us all to live lives marked by acts of grace towards each other.

By the way, both Sonia and Sophia came out from the birthing process tired, but very healthy without major complications, thank God. There were some tense moments when we were not sure that Sophia would come out easily (without a c-section), but through some fancy coaxing and a ton of work on Sonia's part, she made it through just fine...complete, perfectly healthy, and wonderful.

I would gush about Sophia, about how much we love her, how beautiful and amazing we think she is, (all true) etc., etc., etc., but you have the rest of our lives to hear about that from me and Betty! Brace yourselves...

I am really sorry about not posting many pics... I'm having technological issues ( I can't find a cable I need to get it done) and I need to coordinate with my brother who took the majority of the pics to get them all in one place. We'll post some in the next couple of days, I promise, once we've has some sleep and got our acts together. Here are a couple of low-res pics to get things started.

Just out of the canal:

Fixed up a bit a few minutes later:

With Mom:

Hopefully, we'll all be going home from the hospital together tomorrow, but we'll see. In any case, we can't wait for Sophia to get to know you!

More soon...

-Alvaro

Rounding Third Base, Headed for Home

I must, as usual, apologize for the delay in updating our little blog. Much has been happening...

Most importantly, we're at the end of the road. It should only be a matter of days until Sonia gives birth to Sophia. Sonia is actually seeing signs of things picking up speed. She is having contractions that are on and off at about 10 minutes apart, which could mean we could see Sophia showing up early (in the next few days). The next time I make a blog entry, I will likely be doing so from the hospital!

Also, lately Betty and I have been the grateful recipients of multiple displays of love and friendship in the form of baby showers. My coworkers at Kaiser had one for me, Betty's coworkers and the City of Pasadena had a couple for her, and friends/family had yet another for us as well. Thank you to all of you who have so generously given us tons of baby-related stuff. And I mean tons. Sophia's wardrobe is much nicer than Betty's and mine put together! Seriously, we have all that we need and more for Sophia when she finally decides to show up. I'm posting some pics from the showers...

Here's me coming in the door to the shower at my work from my team. I was told I was going to a work-related meeting. At this moment, I am realizing that this is no work meeting ("what are Betty and Sonia doing here?") and that I have been duped.

More (thanks for the pics, Roxanne and Mike, and thanks for the event and gifts Inpt. TrACs):







Here are some from Betty's surprise shower at her work the next day ("what are Alvaro and Sonia doing here?"). Thanks, City of Pasadena friends!:





Gotta point this out...those are tiny Apple Bottom Jeans! No joke!



Here are some from the friends/family shower hosted by Edith Lei and Clara Hayes (thanks again, ladies!):








We have more, less blurry, higher resolution pics, but as you can tell I have bigger fish to fry. I'll post all the pics to Flickr later on (if you have some on your camera, send them to me please), but I wanted to post a few quickly.

We will , of course, let you all know as soon as "the time" comes. Pray for the health and well-being of both Sonia and Sophia as they both get ready to do something amazing...

-Alvaro

Names and pics

Another little update...

Things are going quite well. Two new things:

1) Our kid has now been officially named...sort of. For those of you who know me and have followed along (and even participated) in the naming saga, you are well aware that I have been the hold up. Well, Betty and I have finally come to a consensus. It happened as we were walking down Lake Ave. in Pasadena today. All of a sudden. Our kid's name is...

Sophia Elena ??? Tovar

Here's how it breaks down:
Sophia is a name that Betty heard and we both liked, can be used easily by both English and Spanish speakers, of which we have both in our family, and because we hope that our daughter will pursue God's wisdom. We'll probably use Sophie for short when she's little. Cute, eh?
Elena is a thankful nod to and Clara Hayes and Sonia Tovar, the ladies who were our volunteer surrogates (for more on this, see earlier posts). It turns out both their middle names are Elena! We wanted to honor them both and five names would have been brutal (keep reading for more on this).
Tovar is...well, you know.
Now for the ???. It's a placeholder for another middle name. I hold the exclusive rights to this name position. I'm not even sure what that will be, but I'll let you know soon enough. Perhaps four names is a bit unusual, but this is an unusual birth (see previous posts for details) and why the heck should everyone be the same? So there you have it.

Sophia Elena Dad'sChoiceOfAnotherNameHere Tovar

The only kick in the pants would be if our kids ultrasounds were misread and it turns out to be a boy...

UPDATE TO THE UPDATE: Mad props to Terra Root! Thanks much for the name suggestion. Betty just reminded me that you did indeed win our little contest by suggesting the name Sophia (or something really close) and will be known from this point as the web-based inspiration for the name of our daughter! It pays to play!

2) I have some pics that I promised to post, so here they are:

Sonia at home, looking ready.

A closeup to give you an idea of how soon our bun will be coming out of the oven:

Speaking of which, our countdown timer tells me that we're about 20% from Sophia's birth day. In reality, I have a sneaking suspicion that we are actually a little closer. The nurse midwife we saw at the last visit said that although Sonia is 32 weeks along, the baby is measuring at the the equivalent of 34 weeks. So, either our kid will be coming along a tad early or we'll have a big kid coming (yeah, Olympics 2020, endorsement deals!)

My brother Pablo experiencing sympathy belly (we're both half-ham on our Dad's side):

Here are a few pics at the doc few days ago. Notice that the sign behind the says "leave your child unattended on table". Will do! (j/k, Mom)

-Alvaro

June Mini Update

Just wanted to give those of you who are following our journey a bit of an update in case the blog is how you are keeping up:

1) Sonia and the baby are both healthy (God is gracious) and rounding the metaphorical Third Base headed towards Home Plate. All of the medical visits have turned out well so we are, of course, truly grateful. Sonia has been incredible through pain, nausea, inconvenience, medical scares (all is well, don't worry), disturbed sleep, deprivation of things she really likes to eat and do, general pregnancy discomfort, being an active 3-year old's mom while being pregnant, lots of stuff Sonia has never mentioned but endured nonetheless, etc., etc., etc., but has come through all of it with a great attitude, in classic Sonia fashion. Pablo and Gabriel have also been through a lot and have shown us deep amounts of grace and support.

2) Betty is exploding into motherhood. I've never seen her like I've seen her in the last few months, steadily increasing in mommyness. She's super-protective of our kid (as she should be), gathering all of the nuts and twigs that her nesting instinct will allow, reading a ton of stuff about babies and such, and cooing at a lot of tiny mostly pastel-colored, uber-cute, girly baby clothes. Betty is already a spectacular mommy!

3) Our baby girl still does not have an official name (mostly because I can't make up my mind) but we've narrowed it down to a couple of choices. She is lovingly know as "Baby Cousin X" in Pablo and Sonia's household for now so that Gabriel can talk to "Tia Betty and Tio Alvaro's baby in Mommy's panza" (btw, Gabriel has pledged to take good care of the baby as her big boy cousin, you'll be glad to know). Betty is quite firm about her name preference...I'm the holdup. More on this coming soon.

4) We have a new baby countdown gadget on the right-hand side of the blog so you can see from time to time how close we are to the expected due date, Sept. 4. If you are viewing this via RSS feed, you'll have to go to the blog itself to see it. Right now it says:

Baby Launch Counter

The countdown to Sept. 4 (the predicted birth date of our daughter): is 74% complete. 200 days, 9 hrs, 18 mins, 7 secs completed, 70 days, 13 hrs, 41 mins, 53 secs remaining.

Yeah, we know that no kid comes right on time, but it's in the ballpark. 74%!


Thanks as always for journeying and praying for us. We believe that ultimately, God is in control of all, including both Sonia and our baby girl's well-being and safety, so we appreciate you praying for them both. We're right around the corner from our kid being ex-utero, being part of all of our (you being a part of our) lives, seeing you for the first time, playing peek-a-boo, growing like mad, running around with your kids, laughing at your best silly little-kid jokes, eating your popsicles, etc..

I'm getting ahead of myself, you say? Maybe, but time flies when you're having fun.

-Alvaro

Legal Stuff

Two new things...

1) Betty and I finally got to feel our little girl move! Sonia has been feeling her moving for some time, but it is just recently that the rest of us can feel her move. Cool!

2) Betty and I are now the legal guardians of our kid. Sound strange? It isn't really when you think about it. Imagine...Sonia shows up to the labor/delivery room, the baby is born, Betty and I say "so, even though the baby came out of that brave lady, we want to take the baby home and have our names on the birth certificate." Normally, the L&D staff would call security at this point, but since we went to court to sort all of this out ahead of time, all is well. That's what Pablo, Sonia, Betty and I went and did on 5/14. Two attorneys, a clerk, a legal reporter and a judge down at the Children's Court near Cal State LA. Thankfully, everything went very smoothly.

Some pics:

Here are the attorneys in the courtroom with Betty and I (Pablo and Sonia are just to the left of the pic out of the frame):



Here we all are with the judge.:



And finally, all of us outside the courthouse. Pablo and I did not coordinate out shirts on purpose... :

-Alvaro

Salsa Dancing

The baby is kicking a lot more now. Want to feel??
Anyone with patience to sit and wait for it feel free to come on over!!! :) Sonia

Big news today

As you may have noticed if you have visited our blog before, we have changed the blog template to something a bit more whimsical and celebratory. This has occurred for several reasons:

1) it's Good Friday
2) it's springtime (although it does not feel like it yet) and we like springtime
3) we're having a baby (did we mention that?)
4) most importantly, today we found out what the sex of our child is. And the winner is...

IT'S A GIRL!

...most likely. Both the ultrasounds that Soina got today looked fairly obvious, but apparently there is some degree of possible error involved. It looked obvious to Betty, Sonia and myself. More importantly, it looked obvious to the person doing the ultrasound as well as an OB/GYN doc. We looked at the baby from different angles to verify the sex and each angle yielded the same sort of results. Here are some new ultrasound pics, although you can't determine sex from these.

From the front with arms in front of her face:


A profile shot:

Upside-down (looks fun, no?):

Our baby girl did great on her tests today, healthy and active. So active that the tech doing the ultrasound and the doc that saw Sonia both had trouble doing the diagnostics because our Baby Girl was moving around so much. That's a good sign. Betty thinks she has some of Abuelita's genetics - a salsa dancer even in the womb!

Those of you who had money on our child being a girl, please collect your money now. Although, you will not collect much from the pool since almost everyone we have talked to that had a hunch about what the baby's sex would be thought that it would be a girl, including myself.

Although we have several name suggestions already submitted to our blog (thank you very much, contributors), we are still undecided on what her name will ultimately be. Until now, we have been casting a wide net to get both male and female baby name ideas. Now that we know we have a little girl coming, bring your girl name suggestions here! Thought of one that's too cute to keep to yourself? Post it. Heard a female baby name that's just the right name for us? Post it. Got a bunch that you want to throw into the baby name fray? Post 'em. We have some strong contenders, but there is still time...

Now, who has the best deal on shotguns... ;)

-Alvaro

Name suggestions and mini update

Check this out from babycenter.com describing what our child is like this far along (the language used to describe the baby's sex is presumptuous, but that's the way it is on the site):

Your growing baby now measures about 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces (about the size of an apple). She's busy moving amniotic fluid through her nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in her lungs begin to develop. Her legs are growing longer than her arms now, and she can move all of her joints and limbs. Although her eyelids are still fused shut, she can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, for instance, she's likely to move away from the beam.

Cool, eh?

Okay, so here's the other part...
Betty and I have some ideas about what baby names we like, but we are children of the Internet (just as you are) and are therefore curious about what baby names you like. So, if you'd like to participate, POST NAMES! We need both girl and boy suggestions, so please include at least one of each if you choose to participate. Should we choose your name and should our child actually end up with the name you suggested, you will receive two special prizes :
1) a special entry on our blog with your picture and a "thank you" post
2) bragging rights forever that you actually named a human via a post on a blog

Conversely, we will name our child pretty much any name you want for $3M. Yourcorporatenameherefor3mil Tovar. Frostedflakes Tovar...hmmm. I'm only sort of kidding.

Let the name suggestion (and/or bidding) begin!

-Alvaro

A Milestone Is Reached

Those of you who have kids (or are familiar with prenatal developmental milestones) know that getting through the first trimester is a big deal. It is an even bigger deal when you perform all sorts of tricky scientific back-flips to make a baby happen the way we are making him/her happen. So, with that said, let me announce that we have reached the end of first trimester! Can I have a first trimester woo hoo?
Our baby is doing great so far. Betty and Sonia went to a visit this last Friday. When I asked how it went (I had to work) Betty said the baby's heart was making a very healthy "choo-coo, choo-coo" sound at about 150 beats per minute.
Sonia is doing much better as far as nausea is concerned and is unmistakably pregnant, as you can see in the following picture. Excellent!


Many thanks to you who are journeying, supporting, and praying with us. We're very grateful for you and are counting on you to continue coming along with us until we all get to meet our baby in person.

-Alvaro

Saying goodbye to our specialist

Apologies for the late post...

Betty and Sonia went to see our specialist on 2/9 for the last time before he happily handed over prenatal care to the folks at Kaiser Permanente (which I happen to work for). On the 2/9 visit, our doc told us that things look good. Here's the last ultrasound pic we got at our specialist:

The above pic was at 10.5 weeks, which puts us towards the end of the first trimester very soon. Can you believe it?

-Alvaro

Another ultrasound

Sonia, Betty, my mom Rosa, and Gabriel went to see our specialist again for a follow up appointment yesterday, which included another ultrasound. Everything went very well. Our doc said that our baby is growing fine. So far, so good! I even found out (wait for it...) our kid has fingers now. Fingers!

Here are a couple of new pics Betty took at the appointment.

Abuelita with Gabriel (he's not sleeping, the timing was off)
and a the printout of the Sonia's ultrasound:

And also a close-up pic of the ultrasound printout:

Sonia has been fighting heavy fatigue and nausea...she's a trooper. Pray that she feels better.

-Alvaro

Up to speed?

If you are seeing this blog for the first time and want to get the whole story, scroll to the very bottom of the blog, and start from the First Post. Or to make things easier, click HERE. Blog posts display the latest posts first, so you'll have to start at the First Post and the scroll up post by post. The whole thing is about a 15 minute read at this point.
If you have read the whole thing, there you have it. Many of you have asked questions, now you have some answers. From this point on, blog entries will be ongoing and less narrative, so you can keep track of how things are coming along. We'll try and post lots of pics to document things along the way. Also, other contributors may be posting in the future as well.

Woo hoo!

-Alvaro

Background Part 5: Almost up to speed...

After that day, we hustled. Here is the general course of events:

Starting June 2008:

• The process is under way. We go through the aforementioned sequence of medical, legal and psychological steps. Quickly.

• Hormone therapy begins to get Betty and Sonia's bodies in sync. This requires multiple courses of (to say the least) uncomfortable and inconvenient hormones as well as multiple appointments with our fertility specialist. Both Betty and Sonia have to brave needles, every day!

• We get ready to start the actual implantation process, but after seeing our specialist we learn that Sonia is SO fertile, that the intended affect of the hormone course she was taking (to suppress her normal ovulation) did not occur! Our specialist tells us that she must be "clamped down" with a double dose (a true rarity, he says).

• We planned to do what is called a Day 5 implantation, which means that egg fertilization happened in vitro 5 days ahead of the planned implantation date. We had planned to put in 2 fertilized eggs, but out doctor warned that if the quality of the eggs were questionable, he wanted to put at least 3 on Day3. This complicates things because the likelihood of having twins (or even scarier, triplets, etc.) goes up so we wanted to do a Day 5 implantation. This put the fertilization date at Dec 7 and the planned implantation date on Dec 12. Dec 7 came and the egg extraction and fertilization went very well. Betty required a surgical procedure to extract the eggs. She did an awesome job... we got 11 eggs!

Betty recovering after the egg harvesting surgical procedure:

Our fertilized eggs:

• After waiting 3 days, we were told that 8 of the 11 eggs had successfully divided and that we were going to be able to wait until Day 5. Day 5 came and we were told that out of all of the fertilized eggs, 2 were of truly good quality and that the others had failed to continue to develop. Exactly what we hoped would happen occurred. Sonia was ready to go! Unfortunately, Betty got a cold and was not allowed to be there with Sonia the day of the implantation, but I was. Sonia, as always, had a great attitude throughout all of this, which was also noted by the doctor as unusual.

The next couple of pics were taken right after the implantation:

This is the done ultrasound right after the implantation. The tiny bit of light in the middle-left that looks like a finger nail is our kid...

• After this, all we could do was wait for the first post-implantation pregnancy test. This would indicate whether Sonia was pregnant or not (or at least had been at some point). On Dec 26, Sonia tested positive! Woo hoo!

• The moment of truth came on Jan 12. Sonia had an appointment with our specialist to check her hormone levels and do an ultrasound to see how many buns were in the proverbial oven. Betty, Pablo, our doc, and I all gathered around Sonia and the ultrasound machine in the dark and saw one rapidly beating heart beat. One tenacious baby, conceived Dec 7!

Here we are cramped together in front of the ultrasound with the doctor. Sonia, one of the heroes of our story, is just barely visible, but she's there, and Betty took the pic.:

Here's me holding a garbanzo bean, a reminder from Betty how big the child is up to this point:

Another one of our heroes, my brother Pablo, sits patiently with me in the waiting room:

The pic's a little shaky, but (drum roll) the little spot that looks like a rubber ducky is our progeny!

Sonia is so awesome that she told us that she would be willing to carry twins (twins!), but this came as bit of a relief because of the increased complexity of that scenario, although that too would have been a great blessing. The doctor told us that the baby looks healthy at this point and that things are going well. The likelihood at this point for complications is about the same as the general public which makes the likelihood of the baby coming to term high, with improving odds as time passes.

We feel SUPER blessed that we have come this far and experienced what we have experienced and believe that God has been very gracious to us. Many thanks to those of you who have supported us, encouraged us, and prayed for us throughout all the ups and downs of our "covert operations". Pablo, Sonia, and Gabriel especially have been unbelievably patient, gracious, and generous with us. We cannot thank you enough (but we'll keep thanking you...).

NEXT

-Alvaro

Background Part 4: From out of nowhere

Betty and I started telling our families that what we had planned did not happen, since they were the only people at that point who knew what we were up to. Very few people knew what was going on since we were at such an early stage. We just figured it was not meant to be and that we would go back to our lives as we knew them, pre-surrogacy stuff.

In May of 2008, Betty and I were in a Pasadena restaurant with my brother Pablo, our sis-in-law Sonia, and our nephew Gabriel eating pizza. After we were done, Pablo and Sonia told us that they had been thinking about surrogacy even before Clara offered, but Clara had offered before they had a chance to. They too did the incredible ... Sonia offered to be our gestational surrogate!
Now, I don't know about you, but I don't know too many people that have experienced this scenario. Three different women (and their families, of course) had at this point offered to give us an incredibly generous gift, and at no point did we ever ask anyone to do this for us. Betty and I have always felt deeply blessed, but this was quite unbelievable to us. We kind of looked at each other, made sure that Pablo and Sonia were ready for what was coming, and then accepted gratefully. Very gratefully! Just as we were before, we were (and are) deeply humbled by the gift that we have been given. It is always deeply inspiring and encouraging to me when people act selflessly, in any set of circumstances, because of how seldomly such acts occur. When people are willing to make huge sacrifices for one another and I am witness to such acts, it always stops me in my tracks and leaves me silent (those of you who know me know that this is an extreme rarity). Imagine how much more stunning it was when Betty and I became the recipients of such an act of love! Okay, so back to our story...

Since Betty and I are not spring chickens (does anyone even use that expression anymore?), we had to hit the ground running. Our window of opportunity was closing, and fast!

NEXT

-Alvaro

Background Part 3: Things look like they will happen

Here is the sequence of events from that point on, if memory serves me well:

• Fall 2007 - Hayes family confirms that they are ready to start the process.
• We meet with a recommended fertility specialist to discuss what needs to happen. He gives us the details. This includes medical details and a referral to an attorney specializing in surrogacy law.
• We meet with the attorney, who in turn refers us to a psychologist for necessary psychological screenings for both Tovar and Hayes families.
• Hayes and Tovar families follow through with the required psychological screening and pass.
  
• More interaction with our attorneys (two were required, one for the Tovars and one for the Hayes) occurs to decide on terms for a surrogacy contract (mandated by CA law). Terms are worked out and final draft is sent to both couples to sign.
• Initial medical consultations occur with our fertility specialist. Clara, Betty, and Alvaro are put through a battery of tests to ensure that surrogacy is a viable option from a medical perspective. Everything is looking good. Things look like they are going to happen.
• May 2008 - Things come to a screeching halt. Due to a combination of factors outside of any of our control, most notably an extreme hardship in the lives of the Hayes family, we decide to end our attempts to move forward with the surrogacy due to the ill-timing of things.

Although we could not follow through with our plans, we are still truly humbled by what the Hayes family was willing to do for us and will be forever grateful for the sacrifice that they were willing to make as well as the inconveniences and stresses that they endured getting ready. We know that if it was in their power to do so, they would have followed through in a heart beat. To this day, we are very close and plan to be for many years to come!

So, at this point Betty and I were in many ways back to Square 1 on the baby front and pretty much assumed that the story had ended there. Little did we know what would come next...

NEXT

-Alvaro

Background Part 2: The idea sprouts

In 2004, Betty looked into the cost of commercial surrogacy (essentially, the scenario played out in Baby Mama, minus the hilarity). The cost quotes we got were in the neighborhood of $75k-$150k cash, 100% out of pocket, good luck finding medical insurance. So, that was that.

In 2005, some friends of ours (shout out to the Lei family) had asked us if we had ever considered surrogacy. Edith Lei even offered at one point (you're awesome).


It was not feasible at the time so nothing came of it, but it planted a seed in our minds. Betty and I were not terribly serious about pursuing the idea at this point. Not only was the process cost prohibitive, it was a gamble anyway. I tend to be fairly risk-averse and practical, so this was not a direction that I thought was possible. So we went back and talked to a specialist about our options.

We went to talk to Betty's endocrinologist in 2006 to talk about the possibility of natural conception/pregnancy/childbirth, and she gave a definitive "NO". In fact, she flippantly told us to "get a dog". She even objected to the idea of surrogacy. The doctor will remain nameless, but needless to say, we were not pleased at all with the way she handled things. In fact, I will quote myself here walking out of the offices (at Betty's behest): "I HATE being told I can't do something." I admit that I said it. I meant it. I should almost thank that doc for lighting a bit of a fire in me. We got a second opinion in 2007, which essentially agreed with the endocrinologist. So we figured the door was closed.

Not long afterward, another special someone close to us approached Betty with the amazing offer to be our gestational surrogate (carries/births your baby as a gift) . She had mentioned it casually, but it was in passing. This person is someone who has her own family that we trust implicitly, respect deeply, and have a very close relationship with. Now, mind you, we in no way asked Clara if she would do it. In fact, we almost never spoke of the subject of having kids with anyone because it was a sore spot for us. But the offer came up again in the summer of 2007. The offer came from the same person, Clara Hayes. Clara and her husband Eddie had talked and prayed and felt this is the direction they should take. Amazing stuff!


This was an incredibly generous gesture, for obvious reasons. Consider the personal risk, the inconvenience, the sacrifice on the part of the person offering themselves in this way. Betty and I went home and mulled the offer over for quite a while (months), initially simply for its inherently profound generosity, not taking it too seriously at first. Eventually we had more serious thoughts about it as time passed.


So, we decided to meet with Eddie and Clara to talk some more.

NEXT

-Alvaro

Background Part 1: Early On

Betty and I were married on Aug. 31, 1998. If you were at the wedding, raise your hand up! I was (and still am) incredibly excited and honored to be married to a woman of Betty's caliber. There is no one like her, so I was elated when she accepted my proposal. We made plans, the big day came, hundreds of people showed up (some of which we did not even know) ... it was great.

Even before this happy event occurred, Betty and I had talked about the prospect of having kids. We realized early on that because of several medical factors, Betty and I would not likely have our own biological offspring without taking on a fairly serious amount of medical risk. We knew that we were marrying each other for each other, not necessarily for kids, and so were happy to move forward nonetheless. We heeded the advice of our doctors and moved on. We had, for the most part, abandoned the hope of having biological children.

And so it was for almost a decade.

NEXT

- Alvaro

First Post!

If this blog is visible to anyone besides me (Alvaro Tovar), this means that:

1. I have flipped the "on switch" on the blog because...
2. My wife, Betty, and I have successfully conceived a child with a great deal of help (more on this later).
   
3. We are fairly confident that the likelihood of said child coming to term is high.
4. We have received the ok from all parties involved to talk about our little adventure.
5. We are ready to talk about the details for all who are curious.
   

Following posts should include interesting things like:

• The events leading up to our decision to take on surrogacy
• The crazy sequence of events that has transpired since things first began
• The current state of things
  
• Resources that we have found helpful along the way
  
• Other fun stuff

Have I stimulated your sense of curiosity? I hope so.

So, family, friends, and anybody else that drops by... read on!

You can click here to get to the next part of the story.

- Alvaro