Salsa Dancing

The baby is kicking a lot more now. Want to feel??
Anyone with patience to sit and wait for it feel free to come on over!!! :) Sonia

Big news today

As you may have noticed if you have visited our blog before, we have changed the blog template to something a bit more whimsical and celebratory. This has occurred for several reasons:

1) it's Good Friday
2) it's springtime (although it does not feel like it yet) and we like springtime
3) we're having a baby (did we mention that?)
4) most importantly, today we found out what the sex of our child is. And the winner is...

IT'S A GIRL!

...most likely. Both the ultrasounds that Soina got today looked fairly obvious, but apparently there is some degree of possible error involved. It looked obvious to Betty, Sonia and myself. More importantly, it looked obvious to the person doing the ultrasound as well as an OB/GYN doc. We looked at the baby from different angles to verify the sex and each angle yielded the same sort of results. Here are some new ultrasound pics, although you can't determine sex from these.

From the front with arms in front of her face:


A profile shot:

Upside-down (looks fun, no?):

Our baby girl did great on her tests today, healthy and active. So active that the tech doing the ultrasound and the doc that saw Sonia both had trouble doing the diagnostics because our Baby Girl was moving around so much. That's a good sign. Betty thinks she has some of Abuelita's genetics - a salsa dancer even in the womb!

Those of you who had money on our child being a girl, please collect your money now. Although, you will not collect much from the pool since almost everyone we have talked to that had a hunch about what the baby's sex would be thought that it would be a girl, including myself.

Although we have several name suggestions already submitted to our blog (thank you very much, contributors), we are still undecided on what her name will ultimately be. Until now, we have been casting a wide net to get both male and female baby name ideas. Now that we know we have a little girl coming, bring your girl name suggestions here! Thought of one that's too cute to keep to yourself? Post it. Heard a female baby name that's just the right name for us? Post it. Got a bunch that you want to throw into the baby name fray? Post 'em. We have some strong contenders, but there is still time...

Now, who has the best deal on shotguns... ;)

-Alvaro

Name suggestions and mini update

Check this out from babycenter.com describing what our child is like this far along (the language used to describe the baby's sex is presumptuous, but that's the way it is on the site):

Your growing baby now measures about 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces (about the size of an apple). She's busy moving amniotic fluid through her nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in her lungs begin to develop. Her legs are growing longer than her arms now, and she can move all of her joints and limbs. Although her eyelids are still fused shut, she can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, for instance, she's likely to move away from the beam.

Cool, eh?

Okay, so here's the other part...
Betty and I have some ideas about what baby names we like, but we are children of the Internet (just as you are) and are therefore curious about what baby names you like. So, if you'd like to participate, POST NAMES! We need both girl and boy suggestions, so please include at least one of each if you choose to participate. Should we choose your name and should our child actually end up with the name you suggested, you will receive two special prizes :
1) a special entry on our blog with your picture and a "thank you" post
2) bragging rights forever that you actually named a human via a post on a blog

Conversely, we will name our child pretty much any name you want for $3M. Yourcorporatenameherefor3mil Tovar. Frostedflakes Tovar...hmmm. I'm only sort of kidding.

Let the name suggestion (and/or bidding) begin!

-Alvaro

A Milestone Is Reached

Those of you who have kids (or are familiar with prenatal developmental milestones) know that getting through the first trimester is a big deal. It is an even bigger deal when you perform all sorts of tricky scientific back-flips to make a baby happen the way we are making him/her happen. So, with that said, let me announce that we have reached the end of first trimester! Can I have a first trimester woo hoo?
Our baby is doing great so far. Betty and Sonia went to a visit this last Friday. When I asked how it went (I had to work) Betty said the baby's heart was making a very healthy "choo-coo, choo-coo" sound at about 150 beats per minute.
Sonia is doing much better as far as nausea is concerned and is unmistakably pregnant, as you can see in the following picture. Excellent!


Many thanks to you who are journeying, supporting, and praying with us. We're very grateful for you and are counting on you to continue coming along with us until we all get to meet our baby in person.

-Alvaro

Saying goodbye to our specialist

Apologies for the late post...

Betty and Sonia went to see our specialist on 2/9 for the last time before he happily handed over prenatal care to the folks at Kaiser Permanente (which I happen to work for). On the 2/9 visit, our doc told us that things look good. Here's the last ultrasound pic we got at our specialist:

The above pic was at 10.5 weeks, which puts us towards the end of the first trimester very soon. Can you believe it?

-Alvaro

Another ultrasound

Sonia, Betty, my mom Rosa, and Gabriel went to see our specialist again for a follow up appointment yesterday, which included another ultrasound. Everything went very well. Our doc said that our baby is growing fine. So far, so good! I even found out (wait for it...) our kid has fingers now. Fingers!

Here are a couple of new pics Betty took at the appointment.

Abuelita with Gabriel (he's not sleeping, the timing was off)
and a the printout of the Sonia's ultrasound:

And also a close-up pic of the ultrasound printout:

Sonia has been fighting heavy fatigue and nausea...she's a trooper. Pray that she feels better.

-Alvaro

Up to speed?

If you are seeing this blog for the first time and want to get the whole story, scroll to the very bottom of the blog, and start from the First Post. Or to make things easier, click HERE. Blog posts display the latest posts first, so you'll have to start at the First Post and the scroll up post by post. The whole thing is about a 15 minute read at this point.
If you have read the whole thing, there you have it. Many of you have asked questions, now you have some answers. From this point on, blog entries will be ongoing and less narrative, so you can keep track of how things are coming along. We'll try and post lots of pics to document things along the way. Also, other contributors may be posting in the future as well.

Woo hoo!

-Alvaro

Background Part 5: Almost up to speed...

After that day, we hustled. Here is the general course of events:

Starting June 2008:

• The process is under way. We go through the aforementioned sequence of medical, legal and psychological steps. Quickly.

• Hormone therapy begins to get Betty and Sonia's bodies in sync. This requires multiple courses of (to say the least) uncomfortable and inconvenient hormones as well as multiple appointments with our fertility specialist. Both Betty and Sonia have to brave needles, every day!

• We get ready to start the actual implantation process, but after seeing our specialist we learn that Sonia is SO fertile, that the intended affect of the hormone course she was taking (to suppress her normal ovulation) did not occur! Our specialist tells us that she must be "clamped down" with a double dose (a true rarity, he says).

• We planned to do what is called a Day 5 implantation, which means that egg fertilization happened in vitro 5 days ahead of the planned implantation date. We had planned to put in 2 fertilized eggs, but out doctor warned that if the quality of the eggs were questionable, he wanted to put at least 3 on Day3. This complicates things because the likelihood of having twins (or even scarier, triplets, etc.) goes up so we wanted to do a Day 5 implantation. This put the fertilization date at Dec 7 and the planned implantation date on Dec 12. Dec 7 came and the egg extraction and fertilization went very well. Betty required a surgical procedure to extract the eggs. She did an awesome job... we got 11 eggs!

Betty recovering after the egg harvesting surgical procedure:

Our fertilized eggs:

• After waiting 3 days, we were told that 8 of the 11 eggs had successfully divided and that we were going to be able to wait until Day 5. Day 5 came and we were told that out of all of the fertilized eggs, 2 were of truly good quality and that the others had failed to continue to develop. Exactly what we hoped would happen occurred. Sonia was ready to go! Unfortunately, Betty got a cold and was not allowed to be there with Sonia the day of the implantation, but I was. Sonia, as always, had a great attitude throughout all of this, which was also noted by the doctor as unusual.

The next couple of pics were taken right after the implantation:

This is the done ultrasound right after the implantation. The tiny bit of light in the middle-left that looks like a finger nail is our kid...

• After this, all we could do was wait for the first post-implantation pregnancy test. This would indicate whether Sonia was pregnant or not (or at least had been at some point). On Dec 26, Sonia tested positive! Woo hoo!

• The moment of truth came on Jan 12. Sonia had an appointment with our specialist to check her hormone levels and do an ultrasound to see how many buns were in the proverbial oven. Betty, Pablo, our doc, and I all gathered around Sonia and the ultrasound machine in the dark and saw one rapidly beating heart beat. One tenacious baby, conceived Dec 7!

Here we are cramped together in front of the ultrasound with the doctor. Sonia, one of the heroes of our story, is just barely visible, but she's there, and Betty took the pic.:

Here's me holding a garbanzo bean, a reminder from Betty how big the child is up to this point:

Another one of our heroes, my brother Pablo, sits patiently with me in the waiting room:

The pic's a little shaky, but (drum roll) the little spot that looks like a rubber ducky is our progeny!

Sonia is so awesome that she told us that she would be willing to carry twins (twins!), but this came as bit of a relief because of the increased complexity of that scenario, although that too would have been a great blessing. The doctor told us that the baby looks healthy at this point and that things are going well. The likelihood at this point for complications is about the same as the general public which makes the likelihood of the baby coming to term high, with improving odds as time passes.

We feel SUPER blessed that we have come this far and experienced what we have experienced and believe that God has been very gracious to us. Many thanks to those of you who have supported us, encouraged us, and prayed for us throughout all the ups and downs of our "covert operations". Pablo, Sonia, and Gabriel especially have been unbelievably patient, gracious, and generous with us. We cannot thank you enough (but we'll keep thanking you...).

NEXT

-Alvaro

Background Part 4: From out of nowhere

Betty and I started telling our families that what we had planned did not happen, since they were the only people at that point who knew what we were up to. Very few people knew what was going on since we were at such an early stage. We just figured it was not meant to be and that we would go back to our lives as we knew them, pre-surrogacy stuff.

In May of 2008, Betty and I were in a Pasadena restaurant with my brother Pablo, our sis-in-law Sonia, and our nephew Gabriel eating pizza. After we were done, Pablo and Sonia told us that they had been thinking about surrogacy even before Clara offered, but Clara had offered before they had a chance to. They too did the incredible ... Sonia offered to be our gestational surrogate!
Now, I don't know about you, but I don't know too many people that have experienced this scenario. Three different women (and their families, of course) had at this point offered to give us an incredibly generous gift, and at no point did we ever ask anyone to do this for us. Betty and I have always felt deeply blessed, but this was quite unbelievable to us. We kind of looked at each other, made sure that Pablo and Sonia were ready for what was coming, and then accepted gratefully. Very gratefully! Just as we were before, we were (and are) deeply humbled by the gift that we have been given. It is always deeply inspiring and encouraging to me when people act selflessly, in any set of circumstances, because of how seldomly such acts occur. When people are willing to make huge sacrifices for one another and I am witness to such acts, it always stops me in my tracks and leaves me silent (those of you who know me know that this is an extreme rarity). Imagine how much more stunning it was when Betty and I became the recipients of such an act of love! Okay, so back to our story...

Since Betty and I are not spring chickens (does anyone even use that expression anymore?), we had to hit the ground running. Our window of opportunity was closing, and fast!

NEXT

-Alvaro

Background Part 3: Things look like they will happen

Here is the sequence of events from that point on, if memory serves me well:

• Fall 2007 - Hayes family confirms that they are ready to start the process.
• We meet with a recommended fertility specialist to discuss what needs to happen. He gives us the details. This includes medical details and a referral to an attorney specializing in surrogacy law.
• We meet with the attorney, who in turn refers us to a psychologist for necessary psychological screenings for both Tovar and Hayes families.
• Hayes and Tovar families follow through with the required psychological screening and pass.
  
• More interaction with our attorneys (two were required, one for the Tovars and one for the Hayes) occurs to decide on terms for a surrogacy contract (mandated by CA law). Terms are worked out and final draft is sent to both couples to sign.
• Initial medical consultations occur with our fertility specialist. Clara, Betty, and Alvaro are put through a battery of tests to ensure that surrogacy is a viable option from a medical perspective. Everything is looking good. Things look like they are going to happen.
• May 2008 - Things come to a screeching halt. Due to a combination of factors outside of any of our control, most notably an extreme hardship in the lives of the Hayes family, we decide to end our attempts to move forward with the surrogacy due to the ill-timing of things.

Although we could not follow through with our plans, we are still truly humbled by what the Hayes family was willing to do for us and will be forever grateful for the sacrifice that they were willing to make as well as the inconveniences and stresses that they endured getting ready. We know that if it was in their power to do so, they would have followed through in a heart beat. To this day, we are very close and plan to be for many years to come!

So, at this point Betty and I were in many ways back to Square 1 on the baby front and pretty much assumed that the story had ended there. Little did we know what would come next...

NEXT

-Alvaro

Background Part 2: The idea sprouts

In 2004, Betty looked into the cost of commercial surrogacy (essentially, the scenario played out in Baby Mama, minus the hilarity). The cost quotes we got were in the neighborhood of $75k-$150k cash, 100% out of pocket, good luck finding medical insurance. So, that was that.

In 2005, some friends of ours (shout out to the Lei family) had asked us if we had ever considered surrogacy. Edith Lei even offered at one point (you're awesome).


It was not feasible at the time so nothing came of it, but it planted a seed in our minds. Betty and I were not terribly serious about pursuing the idea at this point. Not only was the process cost prohibitive, it was a gamble anyway. I tend to be fairly risk-averse and practical, so this was not a direction that I thought was possible. So we went back and talked to a specialist about our options.

We went to talk to Betty's endocrinologist in 2006 to talk about the possibility of natural conception/pregnancy/childbirth, and she gave a definitive "NO". In fact, she flippantly told us to "get a dog". She even objected to the idea of surrogacy. The doctor will remain nameless, but needless to say, we were not pleased at all with the way she handled things. In fact, I will quote myself here walking out of the offices (at Betty's behest): "I HATE being told I can't do something." I admit that I said it. I meant it. I should almost thank that doc for lighting a bit of a fire in me. We got a second opinion in 2007, which essentially agreed with the endocrinologist. So we figured the door was closed.

Not long afterward, another special someone close to us approached Betty with the amazing offer to be our gestational surrogate (carries/births your baby as a gift) . She had mentioned it casually, but it was in passing. This person is someone who has her own family that we trust implicitly, respect deeply, and have a very close relationship with. Now, mind you, we in no way asked Clara if she would do it. In fact, we almost never spoke of the subject of having kids with anyone because it was a sore spot for us. But the offer came up again in the summer of 2007. The offer came from the same person, Clara Hayes. Clara and her husband Eddie had talked and prayed and felt this is the direction they should take. Amazing stuff!


This was an incredibly generous gesture, for obvious reasons. Consider the personal risk, the inconvenience, the sacrifice on the part of the person offering themselves in this way. Betty and I went home and mulled the offer over for quite a while (months), initially simply for its inherently profound generosity, not taking it too seriously at first. Eventually we had more serious thoughts about it as time passed.


So, we decided to meet with Eddie and Clara to talk some more.

NEXT

-Alvaro

Background Part 1: Early On

Betty and I were married on Aug. 31, 1998. If you were at the wedding, raise your hand up! I was (and still am) incredibly excited and honored to be married to a woman of Betty's caliber. There is no one like her, so I was elated when she accepted my proposal. We made plans, the big day came, hundreds of people showed up (some of which we did not even know) ... it was great.

Even before this happy event occurred, Betty and I had talked about the prospect of having kids. We realized early on that because of several medical factors, Betty and I would not likely have our own biological offspring without taking on a fairly serious amount of medical risk. We knew that we were marrying each other for each other, not necessarily for kids, and so were happy to move forward nonetheless. We heeded the advice of our doctors and moved on. We had, for the most part, abandoned the hope of having biological children.

And so it was for almost a decade.

NEXT

- Alvaro

First Post!

If this blog is visible to anyone besides me (Alvaro Tovar), this means that:

1. I have flipped the "on switch" on the blog because...
2. My wife, Betty, and I have successfully conceived a child with a great deal of help (more on this later).
   
3. We are fairly confident that the likelihood of said child coming to term is high.
4. We have received the ok from all parties involved to talk about our little adventure.
5. We are ready to talk about the details for all who are curious.
   

Following posts should include interesting things like:

• The events leading up to our decision to take on surrogacy
• The crazy sequence of events that has transpired since things first began
• The current state of things
  
• Resources that we have found helpful along the way
  
• Other fun stuff

Have I stimulated your sense of curiosity? I hope so.

So, family, friends, and anybody else that drops by... read on!

You can click here to get to the next part of the story.

- Alvaro