In 2005, some friends of ours (shout out to the Lei family) had asked us if we had ever considered surrogacy. Edith Lei even offered at one point (you're awesome).
It was not feasible at the time so nothing came of it, but it planted a seed in our minds. Betty and I were not terribly serious about pursuing the idea at this point. Not only was the process cost prohibitive, it was a gamble anyway. I tend to be fairly risk-averse and practical, so this was not a direction that I thought was possible. So we went back and talked to a specialist about our options.
We went to talk to Betty's endocrinologist in 2006 to talk about the possibility of natural conception/pregnancy/childbirth, and she gave a definitive "NO". In fact, she flippantly told us to "get a dog". She even objected to the idea of surrogacy. The doctor will remain nameless, but needless to say, we were not pleased at all with the way she handled things. In fact, I will quote myself here walking out of the offices (at Betty's behest): "I HATE being told I can't do something." I admit that I said it. I meant it. I should almost thank that doc for lighting a bit of a fire in me. We got a second opinion in 2007, which essentially agreed with the endocrinologist. So we figured the door was closed.
Not long afterward, another special someone close to us approached Betty with the amazing offer to be our gestational surrogate (carries/births your baby as a gift) . She had mentioned it casually, but it was in passing. This person is someone who has her own family that we trust implicitly, respect deeply, and have a very close relationship with. Now, mind you, we in no way asked Clara if she would do it. In fact, we almost never spoke of the subject of having kids with anyone because it was a sore spot for us. But the offer came up again in the summer of 2007. The offer came from the same person, Clara Hayes. Clara and her husband Eddie had talked and prayed and felt this is the direction they should take. Amazing stuff!
This was an incredibly generous gesture, for obvious reasons. Consider the personal risk, the inconvenience, the sacrifice on the part of the person offering themselves in this way. Betty and I went home and mulled the offer over for quite a while (months), initially simply for its inherently profound generosity, not taking it too seriously at first. Eventually we had more serious thoughts about it as time passed.
So, we decided to meet with Eddie and Clara to talk some more.
0 comments on "Background Part 2: The idea sprouts"
Post a Comment